Tonight I was on a fantastic team call for a viral marketing system that I affiliate market…One of the founders of the system, David Wood, said something that really stuck to me. He said…
Do you start intending to quit?
I realized an ugly truth that I have known but never really thought of in this way…most people do 1/2-heartedly get their starts into life’s various new directions counting down the minutes til they can justify quitting.
I think it’s possible that this affects more people than you may realize…actually, it may affect you on some level – either now or perhaps in the past.
I’ve seen people dog out of businesses, give up on their dreams, quit weight loss programs, go back to smoking, and even commit suicide…
Pretty sad, right??
Moreso lately than not, I have made it a priority of mine to protect myself from the professional victims of the world.
I’ve found that it’s an utter drain on my time resources to enable the victim-minded individuals who cross my path with my sympathy. I know that may sound curt to some…but here’s my feeling. I’m not here to be people’s psychoanalyst or pitty-party pal. It’s just not what I’m here for.
I’m here to help those who have found their “get up and go” to apply themselves in ways that will enable them to succeed.
I need to reserve 100% of my focus for those who are here to help themselves so that they may have the skills to successfully help others even more. This is a powerful mission to be devoted to…this is why I have officially placed a hedge around myself to buffer me from those who are content to quit everything they start and who try to drag others down to their little level of contented failure.
Harsh?
Maybe…
But I’m all about some tough love and common sense. It was just the way I was brought up! 
I made a cool little graph that I’d like to share with you. It’s the Winner’s versus Loser’s matrix. On the Left side we see the attitude, thoughts, and actions of the Winner – on the Right side, we see the Ode of the Perpetual quitter…
On which side do you see yourself most of the time?? Winner or Quitter??
Winners Losers
| Makes commitments | Makes promises |
| Never quits | Always quits |
| Have dreams | Have schemes |
| “I must do something.” | “Something must be done.” |
| Part of the team | Apart from the team |
| See the gain | See the pain |
| See possibilities | See problems |
| Hardly get mad | Always upset |
| Never whine | Always bitching |
| Never pretend | Wannabe “know-it-all” |
| Believe in Win/Win | Believe someone always has to lose |
| See the potential | Dwell on the past |
| Are like Thermostats | Are like Thermometers |
| Choose what they say & act purposefully | Say anything & act directionlessly |
| Handle hard situations with soft words | Create silly arguments with hard words |
| “I will do it.” | “Let me see if I can do anything.” |
| Part of the answer | Part of the problem |
| Has a plan | Has an excuse |
| “Let me help you with this.” | “That’s not my job.” |
| There’s an answer for any problem. | There’s a problem for every answer. |
| “It may be difficult but it’s possible.” | “It may be possible but it’s too difficult.” |
| “I was wrong.” | “It wasn’t my fault.” |
| Firm on values, compromising on pettiness | Firm on petty things, compromising on values |
| Philosophy: “Treat others as you’d like to be treated.” | Philosophy: “Do it to others before they do it to you.” |
| Make it happen | Let it happen |
The Ode of the Perpetual quitter looks “pretty bad on paper,” doesn’t it?
It’s such a drama way to live. – Overall it encompasses a self-defeating set of characteristics and habits to live life by, let alone to bring into any new venture.
I hope that you found yourself more on the Left side of the matrix…
If you found yourself more on the Right side of the matrix, I’m honestly not judging you…but I do have an exercise for you to try.
Stop Quitting & Start Winning Exercise:
- print out the chart above and read it several times so that you’re familiar with both sides
- carry it on your person and decide that you are going to work on helping yourself to start thinking and acting like a Winner
- pay attention to your thoughts, words, and actions
- when you catch yourself thinking, saying, or acting like a Loser, challenge yourself to reframe that situation with the qualities you see on the opposite side of the chart that most closely resembles how you reacted to life’s stimulus
- commit to the process of observing and actively influencing yourself into more constructive patterns which will assist you in your life’s journey
It’s a rather simple exercise to do.
And I will leave you with these thoughts (which I gleaned from the great Toby Black who closed out our call tonight)…
Think really long and hard about your “Why” tonight…and don’t just think about it; DRILL deeply down inside of it…if you are moved to tears then you did an ACE job. 
If you have difficulty doing this, consider the following:
So let’s say that your “Why” is your children…
Well let’s dig into it to see how bad we want this “Why” – what is it about your children?
Maybe you don’t want them having to go out and hustle just to survive. Maybe you feel guilty that you haven’t been able to give them more, as a parent. Hey, maybe you didn’t do bad for yourself but you want MORE for them than having to live life on strained finances, stretching each dollar as far as you can make it go, just to get by...Maybe it’s the thought that your child will not be able to go to college…Maybe you just know that your kids deserve more than you’re giving them right now and that devastates you to the point of tears…
Or maybe it’s your parents… Are they elderly and need assistance? Maybe it’s the thought of these sweet folks of yours staying up at night stressed out over their finances wondering how in the world they are going to provide for themselves. Maybe they’re scared because they never want to be your burden and they are worrying themselves SICK thinking that one day they will be ”problem” to contend with.
It could be that the thought of your parents isn’t enough to drive you to succeed…but maybe the idea that they are creating stress and illness in their own lives worried about what is not under their control IS ENOUGH to drive you to succeed.
An emotionally charged "WHY" will save you!
That’s powerful right there.
Whatever it is, it needs to be powerful enough to move you to do something about it and to be faithful to it, like anything else good in life deserves.
Allow yourself to build up enough emotional leverage within yourself – YOU WILL DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO…And on the converse, if you aren’t emotionally invested enough, it ain’t gonna work honey!!
Just the same way that if your doctor told you that you had to stop smoking TODAY so that you do not die TOMORROW, you wouldn’t hem and haw over it; you would just DO IT.
This is the level of commitment we must have to our success in order to keep our heads in the game so that we may WIN. Cling to this commitment, allow it to be your safety net, and remember that “Winners never quit and quitters never win.”
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Twitter: radu_dascalul
December 20, 2011 at 3:45 am
Hey Cat,
Sometimes a “tough love” exactly like in your image is very useful for us..a tough situation whether it’s about finances, health etc can make you more aware and determined to expose more of the winning side in the world.
I love the analogy: winners= thermostats. Well said. Once you set it up for a high temperature(big why and goals) it will do ANYTHING to maintain that level.
Anyway, we get the temperature we expect..consciously or unconsciosly so why not being in charge of this process rather than a victim of it?
Thanks for taking the time to share your inspiration with us
Much appreciated.
Keep up the great work,
Radu
Radu recently posted..3 blogging lessons I got from the Legend of Bagger Vance
Twitter: catherinealexa
December 20, 2011 at 11:35 am
Hey Radu,
I’m glad you like the “tough love” approach. I think that there’s a time and a place for everything in life. And sometimes we literally have to be pushed outside of our comfort zone (“being coddled in the nest”) in order for us to grow.
I think that the thermostat analogy was shared with me a few years ago at a seminar. It made so much sense to me and I’ve held it closely. Thermostats may be set while thermometers can only tell us a status. I think people want to be thermostats but don’t always recognize their own inner dialogue preventing them from being the active participant; this is all the more reason to learn to self-evaluate and to strive to drop the biases we naturally have for our own thinking. lol
It really all does start with inner personal growth.
Thanks for your great feedback, Radu. Your comments always brighten up the page!
Have a rocking week!
Cat
I totally get where you’re coming from on this one Cat. There are SO many people I talk to that say “I’ll give this a TRY”. I tell them no, you are either committed to doing this or this isn’t for you.
I probably wasted an entire year trying to help those people who didn’t want to help themselves. I’m too nice I suppose, I want everyone to want to have more and want to do more. I wanted them all to be massive action takers but in the end, they were all talk and no action.
Toby’s right, dig down deep and find that why. To me it is much like a doctor giving you a horrible diagnosis and saying it’s now or you’re a goner. It has to mean that much to you or you’ll never reach that level.
Thanks for pointing this out. Maybe this post will help those who are still sitting on that fence. Let’s all make 2012 our year shall we!
Adrienne recently posted..Crucial Steps Before Upgrading WordPress
Twitter: catherinealexa
December 20, 2011 at 11:41 am
Hi Adrienne,
I have to say that you really aren’t alone in being “too nice.” I have done that over the years at different points just trying to hard for everyone. It’s taken me a few tough lessons of my own self-induced “hard knocks” to realize that this was just not good for anyone.
I’ve gotten to a point now where I enter into a verbal “gentlewoman/gentleman’s” agreement with my partners where we make a commitment to really work this from the self outward, for a minimum of 6 months. I am fully confident that in 6 months of real concerted efforts, true goals, and personal accountability that ANYone in ANY situation will be able to make some healthy and measurable gains.
I love what Toby said about digging deep, too. I think that on many levels, that is the sweet spot truth. We need to dig deep wells in anything we do. Shallow-well-diggers never hit the water.
I am confident that your 2012 will be a great one, Adrienne! I’m gonna be right there with ya too!
Cat
Good article. I know a guy who made $19,000 in one month and felt like quitting. He had to do one of those “smack himself in the forehead V8 moments” and rethink what was going on in his own brain. So easy to revert back to what you are programmed to do.
Ed from Ohio recently posted..2012 Presidential Candidates
Twitter: catherinealexa
December 20, 2011 at 5:33 pm
Dear Ed,
Hey, so glad you liked it!
That’s hilarious about your guy who wanted to quit even after having such a huge success. It truly is a testament to the amount of repetitive work we often need to do in order to get onto better psychology. All of this stuff is a mind-game. The more I walk the walk and the deeper I work into my own head, the more I realize this to be so true.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment here, Ed. Come back soon!
Best regards,
Cat Alexandra
Hi Cat,
Sensational chart.
Some enter a venture with an “I’l try” mindset, some enter with a “I will do it mindset”. You can put shackles on yourself with the first mindset, or free yourself with the 2nd mindset.
Your Why advice is spot on. To gain awareness in your thought patterns I suggest meditating for at least 30 minutes a day. Most have no clue how imprisoned they are, for they lack awareness of their thoughts and feelings. Meditation is the ultimate vehicle to expand this awareness.
Thanks for sharing your insight Cat.
RB
Ryan Biddulph recently posted..The Easiest Way To Make Your Call To Action Irresistible
Twitter: catherinealexa
December 20, 2011 at 7:08 pm
Hey Ryan,
Glad you enjoyed the chart!
I agree with you on the idea that mindsets can either release or create shackles. That’s a poignant way to put it and I think that on a level that most do not understand, the actual words bind. There’s a whole subject devoted to how words become things and how they literally can be used to program specific behaviours – or deprogram them.
Fascinating.
I am a huge believer in the power of meditating too, Ryan. I had a feeling you were one who practiced this as well, thanks for the confirmation.
Self-time, in general, is so important. It’s much easier to be a balanced and happy person when we are being nourished properly, from the foods we eat, to the amount of quality rest we get, to of course how well we are able to commune with ourselves.
Clarity comes from within. When we have no clarity, it is no wonder that people will talk themselves out of the things they want. I heard it said once, “A confused mind takes no decisive action.”
Fantastic advice on the meditation.
Thanks for sharing your knowledge here, Ryan. You’re appreciated.
Cat
Cat recently posted..The Ode of the Perpetual Quitter | Do you start intending to quit??
Heh, I recognize so many of those excuses!
Twitter: catherinealexa
December 21, 2011 at 6:11 pm
Hi Lesly,
Yes, so many excuses! lol It really doesn’t look good on paper does it?
Thanks for stopping by to read and leave a comment. Please come again soon! And do let me know if I can help with anything!
Best regards,
Cat Alexandra
I love this post, Catherine! It’s amazing how some people start out to try something new and want to just dip their toe in. Sometimes it’s best to just DIVE ALL UP IN IT! It’s all about commitment! Thanks for the great content! I’m new to the blogging world so you definitely have a regular comment luver here!
Anthony recently posted..How to generate leads using Facebook Notes
Twitter: catherinealexa
January 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm
Hi Anthony,
Great to see ya! Thanks for the rave!
You and I share the same opinion on business, GO FOR IT! Wishy-washy never got anyone anywhere and it’s surprising that so many people think that will suddenly change if they join something and do nothing. Anything of value deserves consistent effort and commitment.
I’m glad to know you’re getting into blogging. This is a constant process, my friend, so stick to it. Check out this section here for some of my helpful information on internet marketing success. I’m sure you’ll find some great stuff there to help you in putting it all together. And yes, definitely comment lots on my site. I’m a DoFollow blog and happy to help you out with some great linkjuice and promotion via my CommentLuv Premium application.
Make sure you come back later because I’m about to publish a place where all my readers, such as yourself, can come on and basically promote yourself and whatever you’re doing these days. Let’s hook it up…also, let me know if you are interested in doing a guest blog here. I’ll be happy to connect with you on that to help you out with some traffic!
Holler at me on Skype or facebook.
Cat
Thanks Catherine! I definitely will take you up on that guest blog offer in the future. Thanks for connecting. I look forward to commenting a lot here. I would love for you to do the same as well my friend. Keep the awesome content flowing!
Anthony recently posted..How to generate leads using Facebook Notes
Hi Cat,
Thanks for leaving a comment over at my blog. I would have come over anyway but the title of your post got me here even faster.
It can be frustrating working with people who were always intending to quit anyway. We would do well to remember however that they are on their own journeys and that they also came our way to teach us something – perhaps not being too attached to our own success via others? This is a big challenge however since the industry is all about people.
All we can really do is manage ourselves however and your excellent post provides the perfect way – wisdom, excellent information and a practical exercise too. Bravo!
~Marcus
Twitter: catherinealexa
January 28, 2012 at 4:33 pm
Hi Marcus,
You are most welcome – and thank YOU for swinging by to check me out and share your insight here!
I’m glad you liked my blog post title! lol I was hoping it would have a little “catch” to it for folks!
I agree that there seems to be a big challenge with people holding an attachment to expectations out of their control. I learned long ago that there are but a few finite things that are ever under our control in this life at any juncture. As a professional in any business, it is up to us to rise to the challenge of personal self-responsibility rather than waiting on an ego-induced attachment to an outcome which may not be for the highest good – or which is imposed against another individual’s will to operate as they do so desire.
The constant act of self-responsible and authentic actions has freed me of so many distractions over the years because it allows me to be the best I can be while removing the distracting pull of feeling as if I have to change another person.
One of the best gifts I feel that I may bestow to another is a refreshed perspective on how to evaluate the self in order to achieve optimized and predictable results. When we are self-responsible in how we engage our business, the entire lens changes. When we may view our business experience thorough this clear lens, we may become more focused and committed to our own success, removing the “what if’s” and the “buts” and replacing them with the constructive tasks which allow us to “make it happen.”
I’m honoured to engage with you here, Marcus. I’d love to stay in touch with you this year! Please come again soon!
Highest regards,
Cat Alexandra
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