On Monday this past week, I had a powerful experience that I would like to share about.
I have a good friend who is a very special woman, named Claudia. She is a lot of wonderful things, one being a caregiver for a young man in his teens who is autistic. He is a high energy person who doesn’t communicate verbally, hardly makes eye contact with people and who doesn’t make physical contact generally, unless it’s a fistbump. He does like to do his fistbumps.
I had been thinking of Claudia and was so happy that she texted me on Monday to invite me on a hike with her client. I had just been getting over a really bad cold that knocked me down for a long time, so I was super excited to see them and also finally get some exercise in the amazing weather we have been having all week.
Recently, I’ve been in sort of an incubatory mode. Being down, with no voice for so long, it has felt like the Universe was sending me a clear signal to go inward, listen more, and allow myself to work some things out. It coordinated nicely with the planetary alignments for January, especially being an Aquarius. (A good friend of mine did a video about this, actually.)
I have had some emotionally charged situations arise since around the 2013 holiday season which have helped to define for me what love, compassion, and relationships truly mean to me. The short of it is that there have been a number of people and situations which have evacuated from my life. I ejected some on my own, others willingly revoked their own access to me.
It has been liberating and impactful to have been freed from some of the psychic chaos that I didn’t realize I had invited due to my associations with people who were dealing with some dark aspects of their psyche and inflicting it onto others. (Sometimes we don’t realize these things til we’re able to look back in hindsight…or so has been the case for me.)
People who had negative views of me or who wanted to try to control me in some way have exited.
All though I’ve been relieved by this, I have to be honest that it has also been difficult for me to understand it in ways. I feel like I have gone out of my way to be honest and real about who I am, what my intentions are, and have done what I consider my best to walk steps that correspond to those truths. This is part of what I’ve incubated myself to consider…I had to consider it because, even though I know that no one’s opinion of me defines me, I still managed to find myself hurting over this.
Monday, however, I had a revelation.
I met my good friend, Claudia, her client and their dogs at a lovely park nearby my home. It was my first time to meet Claudia’s client. Claudia informed that he probably would ignore me because he doesn’t make contact with people. She shared with me that she’s literally one of the only people he will touch and that occasionally when they hike he likes to lock arms with her, like buddies. This is kind of a big deal with him.
So we go ahead and begin our hiking together. I took some great pics. (Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook and who followed this link back to my blog probably saw just how gorgeous it was.) We had an amazing time on our hike, catching up, hanging out, sharing laughs and just making the most of our time together.
I am a super inclusive kind of gal. I like to cater to and accommodate people, help them feel happy and good about themselves. It’s one of my specialties and it is one of the things that also makes me feel best in this life, really treating people as precious as they are to me whatever way I can. It’s my way of life and it has earned me the confidence of people-shy folks along the way…but I digress. I mean to say that along our hike together, I would say things to him, smile at him, kinda fueling his fire and fun as we traveled together.
I wasn’t prepared for the sweetness that would earn me. As I’m writing this and remembering what it felt like, I get a little misty-eyed…
He approached me, put his arm around me to pull me close, and then he laced his fingers with mine to walk with me. I was completely flabbergasted and truly honoured at this gesture of acknowledgment, trust and love.
This young man doesn’t do this. Claudia’s jaw hit the gravel when she saw because she has never seen him respond to anyone the way he did to me…especially on a first meeting.
For the rest of our hike, he was very affectionate with me, putting his arm around me, linking arms or holding my hand. And then he gave me the sweetest and most satisfying hug I have had in a very long time. His hug said many things to me that I needed to know.
My new friend’s opinion of me and our connection together means more to me than any of the sour opinions/actions I’ve had foisted on me by insensitive or broken people who actively perpetuate their hurt by inflicting onto others. – And also those who evade the truth behind the feelings that drive them to treat others recklessly.
There was so much soul medicine in this encounter that I’m sure I haven’t any way of adequately verbally expressing. It’s one of those things that you had to have experienced, firsthand, to fully realize its gravity.
And that’s okay because it was intended for me.
I’m grateful beyond measure for the absolutely perfect timing of the event to touch me in the manner which it has. It has given me a new lens with which I may experience myself; through another’s eyes. Those eyes feel observant and honest to me.
And I’m reminded that what has been coming into my life speaks more to my character than what has exited my life.
I smile now, experiencing myself in a new way. It’s a new year all right!
So I’m letting myself off the hook for feelings of responsibility to accommodate another person’s unrealistic expectations of me. No more self-sabotage!
I encourage anyone reading this to consider their own self-image. Are you inflicting another’s brokenness onto yourself in some way? Is there something there that just isn’t really working for you anymore? It’s easy to get used to these things, believe me you…but that doesn’t mean that you’re stuck. Sometimes you just need to look at yourself with fresh eyes. I was fortunate to have been given a hand with that.
Sooooooo, thanks for reading, Dear Reader. I appreciate you more than you know.
Love and thoughts,
Empath, energy worker, musician. Observer, thinker, participater & Intuitive Consultant. Dilettante on various other topics. Trying my hand at this "writing thing"...
Time is not important, only the quality of life.
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