Happy New-vember!

Just a little rant today on “newness.” It’s a new month and I feel like a new me in many ways.

cat alexandra, love antidote, skyq, intuitive consultant and writer

A beautiful place to think.

The recent cosmic weather has been hectic with Saturn on my ascendant and then this recent Mercury in retrograde which was hitting my 12th house and my ascendant in Scorpio.

What a trip!

There were times that it felt like things were falling apart and I could literally sense the Earth crumbling under my feet…

The Earth never actually crumbled, though. – It only felt as if it could. At times like that, you can really learn your posture and what is inside of you. I’ve had crash courses in this throughout my life, but honestly can not remember a Mercury in retrograde which has ever been so brutal to me, spiritually, emotionally, and also physically.

I’m relieved it is over. And I’m extra relieved that I didn’t come unglued when things seemed to be blowing up around me.

It’s November. It’s a new month. It’s New-vember to me because I feel like a veil has been lifted. It’s pretty amazing because it’s given me heightened sensitivities and awareness, for which I’m so grateful.

I have been making some changes in my life with regard to how I delegate myself and with whom I share my time and talents. I’m relocating in a couple of weeks now, it’s a big change for me that’s in the works. It’s sort of an unsettling thing, leaving your home, figuring out where to re-plant yourself, consolidating your resources and discarding of what no longer serves its purpose.

All these things have had me thinking…and it’s been, emotionally, a painful shedding of skin. Now that I’m faced with the follow-through acts of this skin shedding, it’s intense in other ways.

With the help of intuitive insight, I’ve made the decision to withdraw from things I’ve outgrown and more specifically from things and people who have been a drain on my energy.

Sometimes you need to go through the pain of realizing where aspects of your life have become unacceptable in some way.

Maybe you have endlessly poured your love, attention, and energy into something or someone and find that it isn’t working . Maybe it never worked and you never faced it.

I have personally had some difficult and painful lessons come up around this topic over the recent years. Finding a good leap off point is important, when you find yourself in a similar place.

This move in Newvember is a leap off point for me.

I’m making this Newvember a time to continue to renew myself in ways that propel me further into the Destiny I purpose myself to create. I am taking the opportunity to redirect my focus and to stop putting attention into the things and people who are not an active part of my path.

love yourself like no one else, autumn perspective, cat alexandra, skyq, intuitive consultant, love antidote, love cures cancer

Beauty in the breakdown.

These are some difficult truths I’ve had to face about what has worked and what hasn’t worked in my life. It feels like a perfect time to let some things wither and die.

Sometimes I think you have to do that in order to show yourself more love because the energy has to come from somewhere in order to redirect it inward.

Autumn perspective, I suppose you could call it.

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Newvember is a time to love yourself more. This is what I’m doing. I’ve found myself in a position to be the recipient of much love and support from places I didn’t expect. It’s been a stark contrast in my recent perspective of the things that weren’t giving me love or appreciation back…this is making a difficult process so much easier to bear.

So there’s another little love antidote in here. It has to begin with the self and the willingness to face the things that didn’t live up to expectations we consciously or unconsciously held.  And then to take from that point the steps to fill those vacant places with love that you give yourself. I can say it with conviction because it is honestly the antidote that has been working for me.

Love yourself like no one else. The ground will feel firmer under your feet and the sky will still be over your head. It will be okay. :)

And if you want a friend to help you navigate whatever your sitch is at this moment in time, give me a shout and let me know how I can help. I’m here to help!

Got something to say? Let me know below or shoot me a personal in the chatbox…

<3 ‘n thoughts,

Cat

Courageous

cat alexandra, skyq, intuitive consultant, conquer cancer, breast cancer survivor, love antidote, love kills cancer, fearless, courageous, face your fearA good existential crisis has a way of putting pretty much everything into perspective.

I’ve always been somewhat of a “confidante” to people, ever since I was quite young. I feel this has to do with a number of things about my personality that I’m only now beginning to grasp…but something like an aggressive cancer that got into your lymph nodes has a way of adding a heightened sense to your perspective.

I’ve had people pretty shocked about my story with the breast cancer, what all was happening, how I managed to fix myself and recreate myself in a higher vibration, how the doctors later told me it was a miracle or that I am a miracle, et cetera…but that’s not the story I’m telling today. What I wanted to say is that people have been overly kind in assuming that I am or telling me that I am “fearless.”

I wish I could say that was true.

I think it’s human to have fears, though. As much as I’ve questioned how I could possibly be from this planet at all due to my world views being diametrically opposed to how things are on Earth, I am.

I’m a real flesh and blood human being who experiences very real fears, just like anyone else.cat alexandra, skyq, intuitive consultant, face your fear, trust your inner, courageous, fearless, conquer cancer, love antidote, trust your inner

And I also think that anyone who says that they don’t is probably not communicating effectively. I don’t mean to be too much of a perfectionist here, but “fearless” is extremely improbable.

Life is fluid. Feelings change, just as clouds pass.

All I can personally claim is that all though I experience fear from time to time, I make the choice not to keep myself locked in a prison of despair. I do not dwell on these things. I try to push them out of my body by burning up the stress hormones in a constructive way…like yoga, hiking, or dancing.

So, as much as I appreciate the sincerity of the compliment, I must say that I am definitely not fearless.

I think it’s important to differentiate these things because I know how hard a person can be on themselves. I’m one of those people who tends to be harder on herself than I probably should be. – Or that’s at least what a lot of other people have said to me over the years. I’m thinking back on it all now and realizing that there were times that I actually felt badly over the fact that I was experiencing one fear or another.

Isn’t fear bad enough on its own?

So yeah…I don’t kick myself down like that anymore now that I realize what an unrealistic expectation I’d be forcing on myself (on any level) by simply trying to be “fearless.”

fear·less

ˈfirləs/
adjective
adjective: fearless
  1. lacking fear.
    “a fearless defender of freedom”Or perhaps -
cou·ra·geous
kəˈrājəs/
adjective
  1. not deterred by danger or pain; brave.
    “her courageous human rights work”

Courageous feels better, all around, to me. Courageous is realistic and purposed, unlike fearless.

Does “fearless” exist?

I think so! I think fearless can happen in a moment or for a period of time.

Fearlessness is what creates enough adrenaline in a situation to pull off an improbable feat. However, fearlessness, like all other states of being are transitory.

cat alexandra, skyq, intuitive consultant, face your fear, be here now, courage, fearless, conquer cancer, trust your inner

Be here now.

I would prefer to be known as “courageous” anyway. It takes courage to be present in the “here and now.”

Courage is what it takes to stand before it all with conviction in the face of fear. Courage is what is required as a prerequisite to the state of fearlessness. Courage is what it takes to let yourself off the hook for being human and feeling uncomfortable emotions come up, such as fear.

Got something to say? Lemme know, below…

<3,
Cat

Love antidote

Sometimes you realize that the reasons you thought you had for staying still simply do not exist. I had this epiphany today.

energetic being, being of light, cat alexandra, love antidote, skyq

Stagnancy.

I realized this because I found myself confronted with a bunch of lemons being chucked at my head. I could stand there like a fool and get pelted, standing defiantly, hurting myself out of pride. I could be stoic about it and watch the things around me, myself included, slowly decay. – OR – I could give myself what I needed, right now, in the living display of loving myself properly.

Today, a situation (I wish I could exit more quickly than yet have done) had me good and angry.

I knew I needed to “work it off” rather than allowing the stress hormones permission to infiltrate and poison my body and mind.

It occurred to me that what I was feeling was actuallly the release of remnant negativity which I’ve been eliminating from my life over time. Recognizing this to be an energetic detox was an “Ah ha” moment for me.

I knew what to do.

I was on my way to the gym to grunt out some frustrations, this realization hit me: Sure, sometimes a grunt is in order, but there are times you need more than just a physical exercise.  -There are times all you need is to be held, supported, and LOVED.

What I really needed was grass and trees, and to run…in nature’s embrace.

I needed living, thriving things and creatures around me.

I needed the warmth of the sun, kissing my skin. It doesn’t even take much for the sun to show evidence of its love on me because I break into nearly immediate freckles. (Hey, sometimes that’s even better than lipstick-stained kisses.)

cat alexandra, skyq, energetic being, being of light, skyq, trust your inner, soul epiphany

Epiphany.

I let myself be the wind (that I am ♒) and I ran, Aquarius ankles and all. Well, sprinted mostly, as that is much kinder on my joints due to my flat footedness. :)

I was overcome with the feelings of being fortunate to live, here, where I do now. Like the wolf that I am, I circled my area, surveying, assessing, and giving thanks for this land.  Abundant support surrounds me. It is all around me now that my body and life have made me aware of why nothing should ever be taken for granted.

I receive messages with the help of my spirit guides in so many different ways. Much of this happens in the form of bio-feedback. I receive many messages and visions, as well, especially when I’m moving my energy and taking care of my earthly needs and wants.

On my trek, my conscious awareness was piqued on a number of topics…

For instance, there are people in my life who’ve consistently shown me they see me more kindly than I see myself. In contrast, I have also had people who constantly “said” they cared, yet showed me the direct opposite. I have chosen to be the type of person who allows others to show me who they are in life; however, I’ve also been overly-generous with regard to extending “free passes” to those who’ve repeatedly treated me poorly. This has been an issue I’ve had with establishing healthy boundaries, which I see has been a lifelong theme of me allowing myself to continue to be treated poorly, rather than stopping and redirecting my love and attentions toward myself and those whose places in my life justify my continued attention.

That’s an easy one for a caring person to get sucked into.

It’s often confusing for caring people to learn that asserting a healthy boundary (or inward focus) is neither a crime nor a betrayal to make towards others. Personally, I’ve grappled with guilt over this one my whole entire life. It’s serious man, lots of energy ventured on exercises in futility. (Thank goodness I’ve begun to live in a way that gives respect to this truth.)

I gave myself permission to itemize a list of my exercises in sheer futility. Relationships, things, work…

cat alexandra, energetic being, being of light, skyq, trust your inner, love antidote

A place I’ve called “home.”

It’s in the cosmic air for me to be sorting this out now. Also, I’m about to move. In about a month, I will be leaving this place I’ve called “home” for so long. And I realize now that I waited much longer than I needed to. I guess I just wanted to see things through.

All though there were more things I’d hoped to create while I was here, it turns out that those things either didn’t exist (at all) to be made or that their time has simply now passed.

I’ve had a cathartic process going on within and around me over the recent times. I see that I have been doing a lot of work, not expecting anything in return, but it’s clear to me where my efforts have been rewarded and where lands have remained barren despite my having lovingly attended to them.

Either way, the seeds I’ve planted along the way make me proud to represent. This has brought new beauty into my life, seeing the evidence of what I’ve been sowing and the things I’ve been caring about which have come to surprise me and to present their gifts. Personal decisions and resolutions are simpler to negotiate now.

Previously, I felt there were some limitations (which I allowed myself to *think* were holding me back and keeping me *here*). These things do not exist. Only what is new and *now* exists. It is a new day for Catherine. So I’ve made the decision to move (versus the stagnancy of watching things continue their decay).

This is why I’m such a fan of taking the time to go and move my energy and my body on a regular basis. It provides multifaceted healing: body, mind, and spirit. All I needed today was LOVE to get me through something that felt so difficult I couldn’t even stand it at the time.

Love is my antidote. End, period.

I choose to love me and let me *be*. There is a magick that lives in each of us that can thrive if we allow ourselves this freedom. I’m giving myself the latitude to discover where my magick leads, come what may. My heart chakra is wide open and I’m being guided all along. I choose now to heed my guidance and to embrace the wind that moves me so I continue to glide with its natural flow.

Thanks for reading. If you have anything to say or ask, shoot below. ;)

<3,
Cat

Thoughts on a solar return

Myyyy b-earth-day!

Myyyy b-earth-day!

I have been so grateful to have celebrated another solar return, or birthday, as you might call it.

This was a special one for me because of how empowering the past year of my life has been on a deeply foundational level. I feel like I have been flung from one extreme way of being into quite another.

It has been a time of learning and growing through experiencing polarities.

Because of the events that occurred from my birthday in 2013 to 2014, I have engaged secret parts of myself which I was previously unaware of. I have also re-engaged parts of myself that I’d suppressed for years as I gave away the best parts of myself…I realize now how I surrendered so many interests and passions along the way, trying to be a “people pleaser.”

This has been a time of deep inward contemplation, learning what it is that makes me tick. Discovering the things that make me feel like a whole person, in and of myself. Complete.

I have the breast cancer experience to thank for a good portion of this; however, I’ve been cancer-free since October 5, 2012.

In the time since my exodus from cancer, I’ve been undergoing a sort of metamorphosis as I’ve been more open to my own true desires and dreams. I recognize that the things I was doing before were not of my highest calling. The truth is that those pursuits left so much to be desired that I was quite depressed. – Depressed to the point where I completely had divorced myself from any acknowledgement of my unhappiness.

The conditions leading to this depression were killing me in a very literal way.

When I stepped into my birthday year of 2013, I was beginning to feel like a new woman. Each day, over the course of that year until this most recent birthday has been a revelation.

Each day, I experience myself through the new sight I have which has been gifted to me by beginning to see my reflection in the eyes of others.

I have always been a creative and musically inclined person. At one point in my career, I was preparing to be a professional musician, getting into fitness modeling and film acting. – But at distinct points in my life, I broke myself away from the creative aspects and jumped into more “practical” matters, which left me terribly bored and frustrated on a soul level.

Retrospectively, I see there was a fear of myself present that kept me thinking I needed to “be more practical.”

Eventually, I bought into this obscene notion of time having gotten “too far” away for me to pursue the passions that bring me the joy and satisfaction I deserve and require to be happy and whole.

In this birthday year from 2013 to 2014, I found that my manifestation abilities have improved in dramatic ways. I have been able to make transitions from things that were unfulfilling to the exact things I want to be doing with my life. – But first, I had to be clear about what it was that I really wanted.

I see that so many things are possible if one is listening to what the little voice inside is saying. It can be scary to stop and listen to this voice…and even more difficult to accept what it is saying, without self-judgment. And let’s be honest, most of us are too consumed with the chatter of the outer world to pay attention to these little voices.

I was guilty of this. I recognize, now, how utterly scared shitless of my inner truths I was.

You learn who you are and what you are actually made of when you make the decision to face that fear and acknowledge those truths. Cancer was an expedited process for me to get that sort of samurai-training. With an illness like cancer, there are extremely personal and large decisions to make, all of which carry potentially fear-inspiring consequences.

This, honestly, was something I needed to happen. I needed to face myself, face my fears…and since that, I’ve been unencumbered in ways that words will simply never do justice.

So…what did clarity bring me over the course of the year?

In this year, I …

  1. Helped produce an independent film (first of 10 we intend to do over the next 10 years).
  2. Helped donate gorgeous murals to my city.
  3. Learned who my friends are.
  4. Realized the ways that I was giving away too much of my heart to people who were only hurting me. I redirected my love inward and then began to get flooded with love from people who resonate on similar frequencies as me.
  5. Have become so much closer with my family and have even mended some broken relationships.
  6. Was able to finalize some business with my family which as been under cultivation for approximately 4 years’ time.
  7. And the coup is that I’ve gotten in touch with the priceless lesson of true vulnerability. In this, I have found my authentic power, reclaimed my physical competence and am on my way to looking absolutely devastating in a bikini. :D  
Friends and me, going out for fun on my b-earth-day

Friends and me, going out for fun on my b-earth-day

There’s power in a renewed mind.

So many things. I’m grateful beyond words. Actually, these are some of the coolest things I’ve ever been able to participate in…and they all began to come at once.

I have been marinating myself on these thoughts (and 528 hertz) over the full month of my solar return (February 3 – March 3). In that time, I’ve journaled and gotten much closer to myself, to my inner. I’ve articulated future goals for myself, and I’ve introduced some new forms of love and expression into my life.

I intend to share more about these things in time.

For now, I want to thank the amazing people in my life. I thank you all for contributing to this rich experience we share. I send my thanks to the ones who have kicked holes in my heart, because you’ve challenged me to grow and to be stronger. I’ve learned to love myself better because of you. I reserve judgement because I’m grateful for the self-growth and the karmic experience.

It’s been a remarkable year for me. I’m energized for the promise held in this solar return.

My motto this year is, “Follow your heart.” – I hope that you, too, will follow yours. :)

Something that improved my self-image.

Feeling awesome.

Feeling awesome.

On Monday this past week, I had a powerful experience that I would like to share about.

I have a good friend who is a very special woman, named Claudia. She is a lot of wonderful things, one being a caregiver for a young man in his teens who is autistic. He is a high energy person who doesn’t communicate verbally, hardly makes eye contact with people and who doesn’t make physical contact generally, unless it’s a fistbump. He does like to do his fistbumps. :)

I had been thinking of Claudia and was so happy that she texted me on Monday to invite me on a hike with her client. I had just been getting over a really bad cold that knocked me down for a long time, so I was super excited to see them and also finally get some exercise in the amazing weather we have been having all week.

Recently, I’ve been in sort of an incubatory mode. Being down, with no voice for so long, it has felt like the Universe was sending me a clear signal to go inward, listen more, and allow myself to work some things out. It coordinated nicely with the planetary alignments for January, especially being an Aquarius. (A good friend of mine did a video about this, actually.)

I have had some emotionally charged situations arise since around the 2013 holiday season which have helped to define for me what love, compassion, and relationships truly mean to me. The short of it is that there have been a number of people and situations which have evacuated from my life. I ejected some on my own, others willingly revoked their own access to me.

It has been liberating and impactful to have been freed from some of the psychic chaos that I didn’t realize I had invited due to my associations with people who were dealing with some dark aspects of their psyche and inflicting it onto others. (Sometimes we don’t realize these things til we’re able to look back in hindsight…or so has been the case for me.)

People who had negative views of me or who wanted to try to control me in some way have exited.

All though I’ve been relieved by this, I have to be honest that it has also been difficult for me to understand it in ways. I feel like I have gone out of my way to be honest and real about who I am, what my intentions are, and have done what I consider my best to walk steps that correspond to those truths. This is part of what I’ve incubated myself to consider…I had to consider it because, even though I know that no one’s opinion of me defines me, I still managed to find myself hurting over this.

Monday, however, I had a revelation.

I met my good friend, Claudia, her client and their dogs at a lovely park nearby my home. It was my first time to meet Claudia’s client. Claudia informed that he probably would ignore me because he doesn’t make contact with people. She shared with me that she’s literally one of the only people he will touch and that occasionally when they hike he likes to lock arms with her, like buddies. This is kind of a big deal with him.

So we go ahead and begin our hiking together. I took some great pics. (Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook and who followed this link back to my blog probably saw just how gorgeous it was.) We had an amazing time on our hike, catching up, hanging out, sharing laughs and just making the most of our time together.

I am a super inclusive kind of gal. I like to cater to and accommodate people, help them feel happy and good about themselves. It’s one of my specialties and it is one of the things that also makes me feel best in this life, really treating people as precious as they are to me whatever way I can. It’s my way of life and it has earned me the confidence of people-shy folks along the way…but I digress. I mean to say that along our hike together, I would say things to him, smile at him, kinda fueling his fire and fun as we traveled together.

I wasn’t prepared for the sweetness that would earn me. As I’m writing this and remembering what it felt like, I get a little misty-eyed…

He approached me, put his arm around me to pull me close, and then he laced his fingers with mine to walk with me. I was completely flabbergasted and truly honoured at this gesture of acknowledgment, trust and love.

This young man doesn’t do this. Claudia’s jaw hit the gravel when she saw because she has never seen him respond to anyone the way he did to me…especially on a first meeting.

For the rest of our hike, he was very affectionate with me, putting his arm around me, linking arms or holding my hand. And then he gave me the sweetest and most satisfying hug I have had in a very long time. His hug said many things to me that I needed to know.

My new friend’s opinion of me and our connection together means more to me than any of the sour opinions/actions I’ve had foisted on me by insensitive or broken people who actively perpetuate their hurt by inflicting onto others. – And also those who evade the truth behind the feelings that drive them to treat others recklessly.

There was so much soul medicine in this encounter that I’m sure I haven’t any way of adequately verbally expressing. It’s one of those things that you had to have experienced, firsthand, to fully realize its gravity.

And that’s okay because it was intended for me.

I’m grateful beyond measure for the absolutely perfect timing of the event to touch me in the manner which it has. It has given me a new lens with which I may experience myself; through another’s eyes. Those eyes feel observant and honest to me.

And I’m reminded that what has been coming into my life speaks more to my character than what has exited my life.

I smile now, experiencing myself in a new way. It’s a new year all right!

So I’m letting myself off the hook for feelings of responsibility to accommodate another person’s unrealistic expectations of me. No more self-sabotage!

I encourage anyone reading this to consider their own self-image. Are you inflicting another’s brokenness onto yourself in some way? Is there something there that just isn’t really working for you anymore? It’s easy to get used to these things, believe me you…but that doesn’t mean that you’re stuck. Sometimes you just need to look at yourself with fresh eyes. I was fortunate to have been given a hand with that.

Sooooooo, thanks for reading, Dear Reader. I appreciate you more than you know.

Love and thoughts,

Cat

[starbox]

Resolve to begin.

cat alexandra, welcome to your clean slate

Welcome to your clean slate

Hello All,

Not sure who might make it over here from my last life and who will be new or what-have-you…so I’ll just start by saying, Happy New Year to you!

So much has happened over the past year and a half (roughly). I have written quite a bit in that time, but that was personal stuff I did to work things out for myself…not necessarily the version of what I would prefer to share.

I have been meaning to write here but didn’t quite know where to start. Then, it occurred to me that sometimes you just have to begin.

I learned this from my encounter with cancer, actually. This lesson seems to carry over into every facet of my life.

Let’s face it, sometimes what is being hurled at you can leave you so weary that the fact you’re able to remain standing is a coup in itself.

Me? Well, yeah I have definitely been weathered through some of that…and I have also learned that leaving that place doesn’t have to be such a big deal. Yeah, you want to get somewhere good, but you don’t have to overanalyze all of it just yet. If you can focus on taking a step, practically any direction (at this juncture) will suffice.

Baby steps, right?

So here’s the resolution from this Cat: Just get started.

I’m not sure exactly how or what I will tell here in this space. If you don’t like that I dawdle and circle over my points before I present my conclusions then that’s okay. I admit I may be a bit eccentric for the tastes of many. This is, however, my space…

I resolve to not stand in my own way. I resolve to be the most honest version of myself that I’m able to face under the conditions under which I must perform in moment’s notice. I will constantly strive to expand in self-awareness for the purpose of injecting the best of myself and my energy into the world as I co-create my life.

I’m resolved and grateful to have endured a self-created chaos that threatened my life to have come out feeling like a samurai sword that has been forged in fire.

I’m grateful to have fallen in love with myself and my life and then in a way that shocked me and which has made me a stronger person.

I’m grateful to have endured the growth that comes of the suffering from being rejected and hurt by inconsiderate people who have treated me poorly. In surviving this, I have learned new levels of compassion and unconditional love that I never held space for previously.

It is amazing what having your guts ripped out can do for your inner peace. It’s non-intuitive, but I swear it has worked on me in ways I couldn’t have fathomed as I choked on my momentary tears.

It has been an excruciating and delicious year and a half, especially this past 2013. I thank you with a bursting heart for all that I have been fortunate to experience in you, 2013.

I intend now that my love bursts out in infinite directions and smacks you right where ever you might need it most right this moment, Dear Reader.

My love to all…especially to those cowering from the corners of dark places. My heart goes to you. It is my wish that somehow hope may find you where you are…that you may find a place of peace where in the quiet space there you can find the strength to stand and weather your storm. And once that storm passes, may you find the strength to put one foot in front of the other and boldly take that one step that you can see, now. The others will follow.

It is a new year here. A new year with a clean slate.

I feel there are winds at our backs if we can stop and be still for a second to feel them there, caressing us gently as we move forward. Jupiter (A.K.A. the “Planet of Luck”) is in retrograde through March. I intend to allow it to supportively usher me along into this first quarter. I hope you will do the same for yourself. Another wish from me. :)

Cheers to you in 2014 and happy New You! Hope to see you around again soon.

Love and thoughts,

Cat

[starbox]

Intuitive Consultant & Writer